little nuggets

well, last night I know I had some pretty terrible dreams but luckily I can only remember this little bit....

I had the baby, and it was a boy....we named him Lucien Otis Fuerstinger and were calling him Lou for short.
We'd just brought him home from the hospital but already he was crawling around everywhere. I kept trying to breastfeed him but he just wouldn't do it, then later I walked into the living room and Stephen was feeding little Lucien chicken nuggets.

Needless to say, chicken nuggets sound good right now.

not so sweet dreams

I have crazy dreams almost nightly now, but my forgetfulness tends to cause me to be a pretty lame blogger.
I only remember a bit of my dream last night. I went to the restroom in my dream and there was blood, I began crying and freaking out. I start looking through the blood and I find a small clot. I pull the clot out and notice it looks a bit like a little sprout with something tiny and red connected to it. But the sprout is very much green, like on a plant. I cried and thought I'd miscarried so I planted the sprouting in my belly button. That's all I remember from that. But I did wake up in tears, terrified as I ran up the stairs to the bathroom to check things out. But all is well, it's just another case of pregnancy dream madness. I hope once the baby is here these dreams settle down a bit.

Dreams of my heart stopping. But I just lay there, pondering the fact my heart isn't beating yet my lungs continuously expand with air and then release, this redundancy my body depends on. But my heart seized to beat and it was of no consequence.

pregnant dream

I'm re-reading Pandora, by Anne Rice....so of course, in my dream last night I was a very beautiful Roman vampire....ripping hearts out to devour their sweet nectar. I woke up thirsty.

Pregnant Dream

Night of 6-14-2012

I'm the daughter of an Indian chief, he resents me because I can't pass the Indian exam. In spite of being an Indian chief's daughter, I am still very much the pale face white girl. I get tired of studying and being scared of the wolves so I leave in a VW bus with the Indian chief's younger daughter who looks very Indian. There's snow everywhere but I somehow know we're in Oregon. Suddenly we aren't moving anymore and the bus is gone. We're with a group of very spoiled upper class, white college girls with long blonde hair, skinny bodies and voices like hyenas. I'm looking to have my hair cut and dyed. But they wont dye it because I'm pregnant, so instead we get in this tiny euro care and drive the most narrow alleys to a bar, which is more like an indoor shanty town of home made forts consisting of old stained sheets. The girls apparently were living there or something, their toilet wasn't really a toilet and one girl stuck her hand in my urine. Then I'm walking down an isle of what appears to be an outdoor church.. there were endless rows of pews. I looked up and noticed the massive trees and fell flat on my back to gaze up. Then I'm back with the chief, I'm gonna take the test, some Indian guy write the multiple choice answers on my hand, I cheat and pass. Chief is proud.

I wake up, disappointed that I'm still white.